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~ counselling Exeter ~ depression counselling Exeter ~ psychotherapy Exeter ~
Frequently Asked Questions
What is a counselling session like?
I offer a try out session so that you can find out. It gives a chance for me to introduce myself and for you to talk about what is troubling you. I would strongly advise that you do a try out session with any new counsellor you go to and follow your feelings and gut instincts about whether you continue. Do not go to someone with whom you feel unsafe or that you don't understand easily!
How much do you charge?
£35 for an indivdual session of one hour and £60 for a couples session of one and a half hours. I offer some consessions.
How does couples counselling work?
The Imago method I use is simply the best way for couples to understand and connect with each other. It enriches and deepens relationships in a very unthreatening way. I do not so much counsel couples but rather I ensure that they connect with each other and have the tools to work out their difficulties themselves. They do this here with me and I offer practical ways for you to work together at home to make things better. Occasionally people decide to split up but even then Imago offers ways for them to do this in a way that helps them discover more about themselves and how they do close relationships. (See the "couples counselling" page)
How many sessions of counselling will I/We need?
It is impossible to say. I always suggest that, if you want to opt into counselling with me, you start off with four to six initial sessions on a weekly basis (often a fortnight seems better for couples). You would not be locked into this but it can make you feel better because you have committed a specific period of time and some energy to yourself instead of letting things drift on. At the end of these we can review and you can ask such questions as:
" Does this feel right?"
" Is this enough sessions?"
" Is this the right counsellor?"
So that you can decide if you want to go on.
How long and how often are the sessions?
50 minutes and up to 90 minutes with couples but I am not very strict about this. We usually start with weekly sessions - though I'm quite flexible (fortnightly with couples). This gives a chance for us to get to know each other. Later it may be useful to have more time in between or only have occasional sessions. Sometimes people feel the need for more sessions in a week or longer sessions and that's OK too.
I am frightened that I/we will go too deep and feel unsafe and out of control.
I believe that the very first priority is that people feel safe in counselling. It is not possible for any of us to understand or explore things when we do not! I am committed to the idea that you should be in control of what you talk about, how deeply you go into it and how fast you go. I absolutely do not believe in pushing people to go anywhere if they don't want to.
Will we be just talking all the time?
The vast majority of time I simply talk with clients. I often coach couples in a new way of relating through speech which excludes conflict and helps with mutual understanding. I do have some materials such as a drawing pad and other things which some people choose to use. Having a different form of expression can bring a refreshing new perspective to stuck feelings at times. I only use these things when people really want to.
Confidentiality
I am accredited by the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy and I am bound to keep to their very high standards of confidentiality. This means that, like a doctor, I will not pass on the things you talk about. I go to supervision and talk about clients but I do not use names so that my client's confidentiality is always protected.
Do counsellor and client ever touch each other?
I shake hands with clients on meeting them if they want to. It is important to understand that this is a therapeutic relationship with safe professional boundaries. It is not the same as a friendship, though it can feel close at times.
Will counselling help me get my feelings under control?
People often ask this. In my experience they are frequently talking about some particular emotional, unsafe or destructive/depressive feeling which they find they cannot stop themselves from sinking into. I try to provide a good safe place so that you always have a feeling of being in control and you don't go where you do not want to go.
Who supervises or looks after the counsellor?
I often feel deeply for people but this does not mean I get overwhelmed or confused. I see this as part of my professional discipline. This is one of the things which makes counselling different from friendship. I go to individual supervision and to a supervision group. I never discuss clients by name in supervision or elsewhere.
Do you see counselling students?
Yes. It was compulsory for me to do 40 sessions of personal counselling as part of my training and I found it a creative and transformative time. I have enjoyed working with many students since.
I have been stuck for years with the same problem - will counselling help?
In my experience being "stuck" in some way is probably the most sited reason for couples or individuals seeking counselling. It seems to me that when we go around the same old problem lots of times together or alone without finding a way forward, we often end up feeling progressively depressed and our self esteem gets worse. It is possible to get a new perspective and a way forward in the presence of a counsellor. I try to be completely non-judgemental. It helps that I have no history with you as a friend or relative.
How successful are you?
I honestly believe that the vast majority of my clients feel better about themselves when they finish. However it is very difficult to measure. A person might start out with a target by which to measure success - for example 'I want to form better close/sexual relationships'. Then they may spend a great deal of time talking about, for example, how hurt and angry they still are about someone who has left them. So success becomes something different - the target may now be 'I want to get over that separation'. You can see how hard it is to be scientific about this.
Do I need to go back to my childhood or past experiences?
No, not if you don't want to. Some people do and others don't. Psychodynamic therapists do this more than Person Centred ones like me. I know that lots of people have had difficult times in their childhood but when it does not effect things now, it is not really relevant. Some people want very much to talk about childhood and that's fine - if they want to so much then it must be important to how their lives are now. It can be useful with couples for each of them to understand how painful things from the past can get unconsciously triggered by certain behaviours done by their partners.
Who decides what we talk about?
You do. This is one of the meanings of Person Centred counselling. You are in control of that. Imago methods with couples work in a similar way. I never force or direct you in what to talk about.
Can I/we be absolutely honest?
You can be as honest as you want to. I do believe that being honest is one of the things that helps counselling along. I am as honest and straightforward as I can be as I think that helps too.
What is the right age for counselling?
I have seen everyone in an age range of 9 to 84. (I do not work with children at present.)
Can I/we talk about absolutely anything?
Yes. I have talked with people about a truly enormous range of things. I feel duty bound to say if I feel out of my depth but this has very rarely happened.
I am fed up with my marriage/relationship, will individual counselling help?
Counselling is a way of giving yourself time and space to think about how you do close relationships. You may be able to find some answers, for example: "Why do I choose people/a person who seem/s to make me miserable?" or "Should I separate from this partner?" or "Why can't I make my partner understand me or love me?" and so on.
Will I/we be judged?
No! I believe that if we feel we are being judged, we also feel unsafe and cannot think clearly. For me this is one of the most import disciplines in counselling - I must not judge people!
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