FAQ
Drug and alcohol Counselling - FAQs
Frequently Asked Questions
Page Content:
- Questions about Individual Counselling
- Questions about Couples Counselling
Note. Many of the questions could apply to both individual and couples counselling.
Questions about Individual Counselling
How much do you charge?
Individual counselling in Exeter, 1 hour - £40. Relationship advice and divorce counselling, one and a half hours - £70. I also do whole day intensive work with couples - £250 for each half day. I offer some concessions to people who are financially challenged (January 09)
How long and how often are the sessions?
I do 1 hour sessions with individuals. I let clients choose how many sessions they need and how often. Most people like to come weekly or fortnightly. For some it's difficult to get to counselling in Exeter very often. If people want to continue after the tryout, I suggest that they put aside time for four sessions. It can feel good to commit yourself to doing something about feeling unhappy.
What do you do in a counselling session?
I do my best to make a safe place where you can explore your difficulties. Most of the time this is done through talking.
I believe that the very first priority is that people feel safe in counselling. It is not possible for any of us to understand or explore things when we do not! As an experienced counsellor I am committed to the idea that you should be in control of what you talk about, how deeply you go into it and how fast you go. I absolutely do not believe in pushing people to go anywhere if they don't want to. An example of this would be in bereavement counselling where sometimes it is just too much to talk about certain aspects of the lost person.
Is counselling completely confidential?
I am accredited by the British Association of Counselling and Psycotherapy and I am bound to keep their very high standards of confidentiality and ethics. This means that, like a doctor, I will not pass on the things you talk about to anyone at all. Counselling in Exeter, a small city, I sometimes see clients in public - I am careful not to greet them unless they choose to come and talk to me.
Do counsellor and client ever touch each other?
I shake hands with clients on meeting them if they want to. It is important to understand that this is a therapeutic relationship with safe professional boundries. It is not the same as a friendhsip, though it can feel close at times.
Will counselling help me get my feelings under control?
In my experience, when we understand our feelings and behaviour better, we then feel more in control. Counselling is about gently exploring them together and getting a better understanding of yourself. I try to provide a safe place so that you always have a feeling of being in control and you don't go where you do not want to go.
Who supervises or looks after the counsellor?
I often feel deeply for people but this does not mean I get overwhelmed or confused. I see this as part of my professional discipline. This is one of the things which makes counselling different from friendship. As an experienced counsellor I go to individual supervision and to a supervision group. I never discuss clients by name anywhere.
Do you see counselling students?
Yes. It was compulsory for me to do 40 sessions of personal counselling as part of my training and I found it a creative and transformative time. I have enjoyed working with many students since.
Do you do bereavement counselling?
I have been doing bereavement counselling for many years. I have dad to deal with many issues to do with loss, grief and death. It is possible with an experienced counsellor to look at difficult things and the many ways in which different people are affected by the loss of a dear one or a separation.
I have been stuck for years with the same problem - will counselling help?
In my experience being "stuck" in some way is probably the most common reason for seeking counselling. It seems to me if that we go around the same behaviour patterns, we often end us feeling progressively depressed and our self esteem hits rock bottom. It is possible to get a new perspective and a way forward in the presence of a counsellor. I try to be completely non-judgemental. It helps that I have no history with you as a friend or relative.
How successful are you?
I honestly believe that the vast majority of my clients feel better about themselves when they finish. This is very difficult to measure but many of my referrals are from recommendations, so I must be doing something right!
Do I need to go back to childhood or past experiences?
No, not if you don't want to. Some people do and others don't. If you think about past experiences a lot then they are part of who you are now. They are probably worth exploring if you feel they are negative or compulsive thoughts.
Who decides what we talk about?
You are in control of that. Although I suggest things at times, I never force you in what to talk about.
Can I be absolutely honest?
You can be as honest as you want to. I do believe that being honest is one of the things that helps counselling along. I am as honest and straightforward as I can be as well.
What is the right age for counselling?
I have seen everyone in an age range of 9 to 84. (I do not work with children at present.)
Can we talk about absolutely anything?
Yes, people have talked about a huge variety of things with me. I feel duty bound to say if I feel out of my depth but this has rearely happened.
Do you do drug and alcohol counselling?
I was trained and got experience in drug and alcohol counselling when counselling for Exeter Drugs Project; my training not only covered drug and alcohol counselling but also many types of substance use and addictive behaviours.
My relationship is going badly, will individual counselling help?
Counselling is a way of giving yourself time and space to think about how you do close relationships. You may also be able to find some answers, for example: "Why do I choose people/a person who seem/s to make me miserable?" or "Should I seperate from this partner?" or "Why can't I make my partner understand me or love me?" and so on. You will not get a deeper understanding of your partner by going to counselling alone but you may understand more about yourself in relationship. It's only marriage counselling or couples counselling which will help you to understand your partner.
Will I be Judged?
No! I believe that if we feel we are being judged, we also feel unsafe and cannot think clearly. For me this is one of the most important disciplines in counselling - I must not judge people!
Questions about relationship counselling
Note. Many of these questions appear again in the Indivdual Counselling page
Note also. I sometimes use the term 'marriage counselling'. By this I mean couples or relationship counselling.
How much do you charge?
Individual counselling in Exeter, 1 hour - £40. Relationship counselling and divorce counselling, One and a half hours - £70. Intensive whole day or half day work - £250 for each half day. I offer some concessions to people who are financially challenged (January 09)
My partner may not want to come - what shall I do?
You could tell him or her that I offer a tryout session of couples or marriage counselling with no commitment to come again and you are always free to leave at any time. Also it is silly to not do anything if you are unhappy - a whole lifetime can pass in half a relationship! Ask yourself - Is there anything more important in your life than this?
How long and how often are the sessions?
I do one and a half hour sessions couples in counselling. People choose how many sessions they need and often. Most people like to come to marriage counselling weekly or fortnightly. If they want to continue after the tryout, I suggest that they put aside time for four sessions. It can feel good to commit yourself to doing something about your relationship for a definite period of time.
What do you do in a couples counselling session?
I do my best to get the couple to explore their difficulties, by expressing themselves and being heard and understood at a deeper level by their partner. I make it safe to do this. I also have general discussion; give out information and relationship advice. I suggest activities that might help at home.
I'm worried that I will get upset if I go to Counselling
I believe that the very first piority is that people feel safe in relationship counselling. It is not possible for any of us to understand or explore things when we do not! I am committed to the idea that you should be in control of what you talk about, how deeply you go into it and how fast you go. I absolutely do not believe in pushing people to go anywhere if they don't want to. An example of this would be in drug and alcohol counselling where sometimes it is just too much to talk about certain events in the past.
As a couples counsellor in Exeter are you completely confidential?
I am accredited by the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy and I am bound to keep to their very high standards of confidentiality and ethics. This means that, like a doctor, I will not pass on the things you talk about to anyone at all. Counselling in Exeter, a small town, I sometimes see clients in public - I am careful not to greet them unless they choose to come and talk to me.
Do counsellor and client ever touch each other?
I shake hands with clients on meeting them if they want to. It is important to understand that this is a therapeutic relationship with safe professional boundries. It is not the same as a friendhsip, though it can feel close at times. In relationship counselling the couple sometimes want to give each other a hug or hold hands.
Will couples counselling help us to get our feelings under control?
In my experience when we understand our feelings and behaviour better, we then feel more in control. Couples counselling is about gently exploring them together and getting a better understanding of yourself in relationship. In couples counselling I try to provide a safe place so that you always have a feeling of being in control and you don't go where you don't want to go.
Who supervises or looks after the counsellor?
I often feel deeply for people but this does not mean I get overwhelmed or confused. I see this as part of my professional discipline. This is one of the things which makes counselling different from friendship. I go to individual supervision and to a supervision group. I never discuss clients by name anywhere.
We have been stuck for years with the same problem - will couples counselling helps?
In my experience being "stuck" in some way is probably the most mentioned reason for couples seeking seperation or divorce counselling. It seems to me that when we go around the same behaviour patterns, we often end up feeling progressively depressed and our self esteem hits rock bottom. It is possible to get a new perspective and a way forward in the presence of a counsellor. I try to be completely non-judgemental. It helps that I have no history with you as a friend or a relative.
How successful are you?
I honestly believe that the vast majority of the couples I see in relationship counselling feel better about their relationship when they finish. However is is very difficult to measure. I must be doing something right because many of my referrals for couples counselling are recommendations from people who I have seen before.
Do we need to go back to childhood or past experiences?
No, not if you don't want to. Some people do and others don't. It can be useful in couples counselling to understand how painful things from the past can get unconsciously triggered by certain behaviours done by our partners.
Who decides what we talk about?
You are in control of that. Although I suggest things at times, I never force you in what to talk about.
Can I/we be absolutely honest in relationship counselling?
You can be as honest as you want to be. I do believe that being honest is one of the things that helps couples counselling along. I am as honest and straightforward as I can be as well.
What is the right age for couples counselling?
I have worked with people in any age range from children to 84 years. I worked with young people when I was doing drug and alcohol counselling for the Exter Drugs Project.
Can we talk about absolutely anything in relationship counselling?
Yes, people have talked about a huge variety of things with me. I feel duty bound to say if I feel out of my depth but this has very rarely happened.
My relationship is going badly, will individual counselling help?
Counselling is a way of giving yourself time and space to think about how you do close relationships. You may be able to find some answers, for example: "Why do I choose people/a person who seem/s to make me so miserable?" or "Should I seperate from this partner?" or "Why can't I make my partner understand me or love me?" and so on. You will not get a deeper understanding of your partner by going to counselling alone but you may understand more about yourself. Consider relationship counselling if you want to understand your partner better.
Will we be judged?
No! I believe that if we feel we are being judged, we also feel unsafe and cannot think clearly. For me this is one of the most important disciplines in counselling - I must not judge people! As an experienced counsellor I know that in relationship counselling it is of upmost importance that I do not judge or blame either party when things have gone wrong.